In Which There Is Food And Screaming
by Cella N
Summary: Guard duty is painful. And very loud. ORIHIME. URYUU. ULQUIORRA. On the powers of nutrition.


**Title:** In Which There Is Food And Screaming  
**Author:** Cella   
**Fandom:**BLEACH  
**Ship:** Ulquiorra/Orihime/Ishida (somewhat)  
**Summary:** _Guard duty is painful. And very loud._ ORIHIME. URYUU. ULQUIORRA. On the powers of nutrition.  
**Spoilers:** Everything manga, so up to 238.  
**Dedications:** To **quaedam**, who told me she'd have my babies if I wrote her this. :adds another uterus to her list of bribery-presents: _Perfect._  
**A/N:** OOC. But hey, who wouldn't be OOC after being kidnapped by their enemy? Not really dark, and not particularly serious.

**In Which There Is Food And Screaming**  
_"Hunger is the best sauce."  
- Proverb _

It wasn't only Aizen who knew how to kidnap his enemies.

"LET ME OUT!"

Orihime looks up from her book, her mouth curving up in a lopsided-smile. "I didn't think he was capable of doing that."

Ishida looks up from his own book. "Of doing what?"

"Screaming. Um…displaying emotion. You know," she explains, waving a hand to the metal door. "He was always: 'woman, this is no negotiation' and 'woman, you will do as I say'," she intones in a grave voice. "And now look."

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU ALL!"

Ishida rolls his eyes with annoyance, and stands up from the couch. He walks over to the metal door, and looks inside through the small visor. "Yes, well," Ishida says gravely, "It's a pity you can't do that, isn't it? What with your puny sword being destroyed, and all," he drawls. 

The noise ceases, and Ishida adjusts his glasses, turning around from it with a sigh. "Why are we stuck with this, Inoue-san?"

Orihime smiles and shrugs, "Well, you're stuck with this because you have the facilities to not only hide him from Aizen, but to also lock him somewhere from where he can't escape. You also destroyed his sword, which was magnificent, Ishida-kun. And I, um…well, Kurosaki-kun said this was something like my…revenge," she explains, and tilts her head to the side. 

"LET ME OUT!"

"My revenge is so noisy," Orihime mutters, scrunching her nose.

It's been two days since they had captured Ulquiorra successfully. It had all started with Ishida's personal vendetta with the Arrancar. The night Orihime was supposed to be kidnapped, Ishida had stepped in, Quincy powers in full bloom yet again. He had fought with Ulquiorra, and in the end, the Arrancar retreated with a wound to his arm, while Ishida took Orihime to safety. They had informed Kurosaki of the happenings, and Ishida had calmly stated that because the Arrancar was a danger to Inoue, he had to die. Of course, then came the speech about how he was the one to do it, and how Orihime should deliver the last strike, but those were all forgotten with orders from above came. They were to kidnap the Arrancar, let him have a taste of his medicine, and then kill him. Orihime thought it was cruel of them. Ishida just couldn't wait.

Now he thinks differently. Of course, he had broken the bastard's zanpakuto with much pleasure, and of course, he had agreed to keeping him in that inescapable room, but he hadn't expected it would be him the one to stand guard all the damn time. It was alright, he guessed, since Inoue-san was with him. The damned Shinigami still hadn't allowed her back into the battlefield, so Orihime was asigned guard duty. This was like a war. A war with loud prisoners. Unexpectedly loud prisoners.

"Well," Orihime says, jumping up from the couch, "It's lunch time."

This is another part he hates. He hates the fact that Orihime grabs the tray so calmly, and walks towards the door. He hates the way she turns around expectantly, waiting until Ishida will unlock the Arrancar's prison. He hates the way she has to go inside.

"…Ishida-kun? Uryuu?" she insists.

"Oh, right." Ishida unlocks the metal door, and prepares an arrow. He enters the padded room one step in front of Orihime, keeping the arrow pointed at the Arrancar's heart. Or the spot where it should be.

"Food is here," Orihime singsongs, placing the tray in front of Ulquiorra's restrained form. The Arrancar is on the ground, his hands tied behind his back with some ties Urahara had fabricated, his legs, criss-crossed, are tied to the ground with a chain. His movements are minimal, and yet he's still dangerous. If he can't attack with his body, he will use his brain. This is the part Ishida hates the most. The insults towards Orihime. They make him want to kill the Arrancar on the spot, but doing so would endanger the whole battle plan. And Inoue-san says she doesn't mind, but he sees the tears.

"Well, well, well. Finally," Ulquiorra drones. "You know, if you were in my place, woman, we would've fed you more."

"It's broth soup, I hope you like," Orihime singsongs, ignoring his comment, even though the skin around her eyes tightens. "I added my special ingredient," she says, and with impressive speed, she shoves a spoon-full into the Arrancar's mouth. "It's custard," the girl finishes, smiling calmly.

Ulquiorra is turning green. Ishida is shaking with laughter. If the Arrancar can strike her verbally, then Orihime can give just as much back, in her own special, innocent and cute way. _'No cute, Uryuu. Let's not dive into that realm.'_

"So, are you comfortable?" Orihime asks, filling the spoon again.

"I'm more comfortable then you would've been in Hueco Mundo. We would've had you tied to a table, where Aizen-sama would experiment on you over and over and over," Ulquiorra drones. "Then, when he'd be done, you'd have to _entertain_ the other Arrancars, if you wanted food."

Orihime drops the spoon into the plate with a clatter. She looks at the ground, her face barely visible behind her hair. A moment passes, and Ishida is ready to shoot, battle-plan be damned. Orihime lifts her head up, and smiles tightly. "Ishida-kun? Could you keep him from moving?"

He wants to question her plead, but sees her pulling a small, red bottle out of her pockets, and pouring it into the soup. With a grin, he steps behind the Arrancar, brings a hand around his shoulders in a firm grip, and keeps an arrow pointed at his neck. For a moment, Ishida is proud of having his new powers back, and extended. That's when Ulquiorra starts squirming.

Orihime, plate of soup in her hand, stands on her knees, and crawls on her floor, until she's on--but not touching--Ulquiorra's lap. She grins a very un-Orihime grin, and forces his mouth open. Ishida presses the arrow to his neck, to help her. Orihime offers him a grateful smile. Ulquiorra opens his mouth, and Orihime dumps the entire content of the plate into it, closing it sharply, and keeping a hand under his chin until he swallows. When Ulquiorra starts turning green, the white, then green again, Orihime stands up, satisfied.

"We're done," she declares happily, and leaves the room, with Ishida behind her. Before closing the metal door, Ishida offers Ulquiorra--who by now is containing his urges to hurl--a very sly grin.

"You don't mess with Inoue-san." He closes the door behind him. "What was in that bottle," he asks the girl.

"Tabasco sauce," Orihime answers, and smiles when Ishida flinches. "I didn't want to use it, buuuut…well, at least now his throat will be so burned that he won't be able to scream, ne?"

Ishida chuckles, and puts a hand on Orihime's shoulder. "That was evil."

"He deserved it!" she says almost immediately, then gasps. "I can't believe I said that!"

"No, you're right," Ishida says, pulling her into an slight embrace, "He does deserve it, for what he said to you. If it would've been me, I would've killed him."

"Ishida-kun is always so protective," Orihime murmurs, blushing slightly.

_'Only of you,'_ he wants to answers, but doesn't. "At least now he'll know not to mess with you. So, um…what do we have for lunch?"

Orihime offers a shaky laugh. "Broth soup."

Ishida turns white. 

:end::  
:_"Are you still hungry, Ulquiorra-san?"_:


End file.
